3) My Body Is An Amusement Park

Anyone that knows me, knows that eating food is more like an adventure or distorted hobby to me. Almost as a defense mechanism, I would joke with people who witnessed my eating habits, a phrase I heard back in high school and repeated throughout most of my life: "Some people treat their bodies like a temple. I treat mine like an amusement park". It was usually good for a laugh and in actuality pretty close to reality.

Fried foods were my specialty and one that goes back to my early childhood, way before anyone even thought of the word Transfats. Growing up in Maine, I'm pretty sure my first introduction to fried foods began when I had my first Fried Clam by the age of 6 or 7. Like a heroin addict, I was pretty much hooked before the last golden crumb fell to the empty plate below and any type of frying oil or Crisco shortening was my poison. Within 2-3 years, I was digging clams in the mud flaps of Kennebunport, ME just for the purpose of frying them up, with the assistance of one of my older siblings who usually kept a portion for their services.

When I was 12, I moved to a small little town in the panhandle of Texas and got a job working in a small highway cafe washing dishes at $1.00 an hour. While the pay was low, one of the perks was free food, and another was my new best friend, The Frialater, who agreed to fry anything that I threw in him. Nothing fried was sacred and even vegetables dressed up in a shiny coat of golden crust were invited to the party I regularly had in my mouth. I even gobbled down the official "seafood" of the Texas panhandle, Rocky Mountain Oysters with reckless abandon until their true origin was discovered. I still get a little queasy about that one.

In addition to fried foods, anything else listed on a nutritionist's "DO NOT EAT" list was thought of as a challenge instead of a warning. I have seen owners of pizza and chinese buffets almost start to panic as they see me walking into their establishment. I still believe that less than three trips to "the line" is not only an insult to the chef who had worked so hard preparing the foods for me, but also indicates a lack of effort on my part.

Sure, there were numerous diets and attempts to control my eating, but unfortunately the dedication would usually start to erode after 2-3 days. After this "intro" period, I would reward myself with a "regular" meal that was repeated over and over for the next 3-4 days, justifying it by averaging the regular and diet meals for the week. Another tool I used was the Evolution of Food. For example, I would start out with grilled chicken. After a couple of days I determined that Chicken McNuggets were actually just chicken with a little bit of coating on them, so how bad could they be? A few days later I justified eating General Tso's (aka Gao's) Chicken, somewhat content that I was sticking to my diet as it was merely Chicken Nuggets with a "healthy" chinese sauce poured on it. In addition it usually came with brocoli which took care of the extra calories! I can honestly state that I had never stayed on a diet for longer than a week, and that week didn't include the weekend.

I say "had", because as I type this, I have not only stayed completely on my diet for the last 21 days, but have left almost half my allocated calories on the table, in the refridgerator, or on the shelves of the kitchen cabinets. Somehow something switched and each meal is no longer an adventure but something that I need to think about BEFORE I put the food in my mouth, not after. It seems almost scripted and somewhat cliché, but it really is true: Before I started this project it was as if I was almost existing, just to eat. Now I am eating to exist.

How I changed is really quite simple. Rick, my trainer, sat down with me and we set up a diet. First, to maintain my body weight, I could take in approximately 10 times my weight (ie 2760) in calories, so to lose weight we set out on a diet of 2000 calories. In addition Rick pointed out that all calories are not the same and that to maintain a healthy body, I really needed to break down my food intake to 40% Protein, 40% Carbohydrates and 20% Fat. I created an Excel spreadsheet that breaks down each food item into these categories, as well as calculates how many calories each item equals (ie 1 gram of Protein and Carbs equals 4 calories and 1 gram of Fat equals 9 calories). As I eat a food, I just copy and paste that food from a master list of foods that I constantly update into my daily log of foods eaten. Might sound complicated but it really isn't, especially with sites like Calorie King that does a great job of breaking down just about all foods out there.

If anyone is interested in the Excel Spreadsheet that I created (very basic form but hopefully you can figure it out) I have uploaded to a website HERE. Just a couple of things about it. One, the website that hosts it requires you to wait 25 seconds before downloading it. Two, if there is a number to the right of the food item, you need to change it to the number of ounces, cups, etc you are eating. Three, the bags of vegetables (ie green beans, etc) are based on half a bag as I split them with my wife. Four, I have added a hyperlink to the Calorie King website to the left of the foods. Fifth, you have to edit the formulas for all foods that you add that are broken down into ounces, cups, etc. Six, I left the usual three things I eat everyday on the list as an example. Email me if you have any problems.

BTW, sorry I haven't updated this but unfortunately I got hit with a wicked cold. Hopefully, I'm finally at the tailend of it. And even though I felt like pretty crummy, I still completed my exercise routine (ie 3 mile walk/run, spin class, and weight training) everyday except last Friday!