"My Race"

 

My Race

This morning, the day after the 2013 Boston Marathon, I ran the hardest 3 miles of my life. As I ran, tears streamed down my face and I wondered if the cars that passed by noticed. For those that did, I hoped they understood. For those that didn't, I understood and I have no doubt that they shed tears of their own, in their own way and in their own place, for the victims of yesterday's tragedy on Boylston Street and the runningof the 2013 Boston Marathon. 

My father ran the 1968 Boston Marathon when I was 7 and from that point on, it became "my race" and I made a promise to myself that someday I would run it. 

When I moved from Maine to Texas I was surprised that my classmates knew about the race. "Some day I will run it" I told them. In retrospect, I suspect that it was met with laughs of disbelief moments later behind my back. 

I moved back to Boston after college and each year I would watch the race on TV and say "Someday I will run it" and follow that thought up with another bottle of beer and some chips. But I honestly believed it. As I got older and heavier and more lethargic, I always kept that one "impossible" dream alive in the back of my mind. 

After I got married, Mary and I moved closer to the Boston Marathon route in Wellesley. Each April we would venture to Wellesley and watch the runners pass by and I would say to Mary "Some day I will run it" to which she always smiled and said "Some day you will", lovingly ignoring the fact that I was now a morbidly obese 300+ pound person who hadn't run 1/4 mile in 20 years.

In June of 2008, at the age of 47, my doctor called and informed me that due to my self imposed morbid obesity, my health was in severe jeopardy. The next day I received a call from my sister in law telling me my niece Julia's health, due to cystic fibrosis that she born with, was also in severe jeopardy and had been placed on the lung transplant list. I decided a few days after those conversations that the "some day" had come and I would run the 2009 Boston Marathon the following year, doing everything I could to raise money for CF research and help save Julia's life. And mine.

With help from my friend Rick, I started walking 3 miles and after a week, Rick told me to start running. I was only able to run 10 yards at first, but eventually as the weight fell off in sweat and tears, I gained momentum and got stronger. And faster. And more positive that I could run the Boston Marathon. Ten months later, after losing over 113 pounds, I ran "my race" nonstop, thanks to the never ending support of the smiling people lining the route and cheering on the runners for what they were accomplishing.

When I turned left onto Boylston Street for the final stretch to immortality, I was shocked by the crowd that had squeezed onto the sidewalk 8-10 deep to cheer "me" on. I can say with 100% certainty that it will always remain the most overwhelming sight that I will ever witness in a marathon and no doubt my entire life. Just before I crossed the finish line I looked up into the grandstands and saw my Dad crying in the stands. And my wife Mary. And Rick. And Julia. And I was crying as well for what I had accomplished.

And on that day, April 20, 2009, my life changed more than anyone will ever know. And it was all thanks to "my race", the 2009 Boston Marathon. 

On April 16 I completed the 2012 Boston Marathon - it was my 17th full marathon in the 3 years since I ran my first marathon. It was around 90 degrees on that day but I was not going to be denied crossing the finish line. Literally drained by the heat I turned left onto Boylston Street, and again, the crowd screamed their support and helped  carry me down the street. Just before I came to the finish line, I stopped running and reflected back on just how much the Boston Marathon had dramatically changed my life in those 3 years. I pulled out my video camera and shot a quick clip to capture the moment as I looked down Boylston Street at the smiling crowd of men, women and children, all coming out to watch "my race". I closed my eyes to thank God for allowing me to arrive safely, turned around and ran across the finish line.

Technically, I didn't run the 2013 Boston Marathon yesterday as I was unable to obtain a number, not for lack of trying. I did go out to support my friends who were running and decided to run home the fastest way I could, which was along the marathon route. I joined the other ~500 runners who also did not get a number at the back of the corrals and started yet another journey. Along the way it seemed that the smiles were brighter and the atmosphere was more upbeat - I attributed it to the temperature being approx. 40 degrees cooler than the year before. At mile 13.5 I left the course and headed the 2 miles home.

Approximately 2 hours later I heard the news about "my race". And my heart sank. And with each additional minute of news and details, my heart sank further. 

As a spectator for most of my life, I watched in awe as the elite runners passed me by in the blink of an eye, the medium speed runners making it look easy and the slower runners struggling to put one foot in front of the other. Regardless who they were, they were all running together along the same 26.2 mile path that led to glory on Boylston Street. Our job was to support them every step of the way. It is one of Boston's oldest tradition and everyone there is proud to be a part of it. 

As a runner, the Boston Marathon is about hope, dreams, the spirit of human perseverance and overcoming obstacles in life that may seem impossible at times. And for thousands of people like myself, it is about raising money for a charity that is near and dear to their heart and sacrificing themselves for the benefit of those that need our help.

And yesterday, like every year before, the two groups became one. As I ran yesterday, I saw tears of joy as runners embraced their loved ones, gave a pat on the back, or screamed encouragement to a name on a shirt all along the marathon course be it a mother or father, spouse or child, friend or stranger and everyone in between. And this happened from the start to the finish.

I have watched the devastation on Bolyston Street too many times now. The one image I keep thinking about are of some yellow balloons leaving the sidewalk after the first explosion - I wonder if they were released by some innocent child there to cheer on a family member or friend as they were victimized by the senseless explosion.  As of right now, no one knows who did this or why but with very few exceptions there is outrage, pain, disbelief and questions that will never be answered.

Next year I will run the 2014 Boston Marathon in honor of those hurt on April 15, 2013. And I will run it for my charity. And I will run it for myself because no one will ever take away "my race" from me. It means too much.

Roger 
www.RFME.org 

The Boston Marathon

www.RFME.org

And so, after 10 months and 2 weeks, the big day arrived. Rather than try to rewrite what I wrote on a forum, I will just go ahead and paste what I wrote there, here, as I think it sums up everything quite well and I can get it posted now instead of two weeks from now when I finish making all of my touches to it. Hopefully I will come back and write up additional comments but frankly I am about to fall asleep so I will post this as it is now. Thanks.

Roger

I have now accomplished my goal and completed the Boston Marathon. As my calf was sore almost from the very beginning I purposely kept it slow as I preferred a slower time over the possibility of not finishing or having to walk a portion of it, which I NEVER did! In addition there was a pretty big headwind (~10-20 MPH) the whole way which turned my legs into lead, especially up the hills. I'm also pretty sure that they kept on moving the finish line further and further back as I approached it, but fortunately I they must have run out of room and I was finally able to cross it.

As was posted, I ended up doing it in 4:45:43 which I am pretty happy about as it is under my 5 hour goal, especially under the above conditions. I like numbers and as I progressed through the race, I continually updated the time that I was shooting for. Under 4:00:00 was ruled out around mile 5 so I figured out around mile 18 (first of the "Hills of Newton") that 4:20:09 would be cool since it was the day of the race (04.20.09). Around Heartbreak Hill (mile 21) I re-evaluated my time and thought about 4:32:10 (sequential countdown) but that was gone by the time I ran down to Cleveland Circle (mile 22.5) . By the time I hit mile 25 (Kenmore Square, which was almost surreal, running through a major Boston intersection with all of the cars and buses replaced with screaming and cheering people around 10 deep) I decided to do everything I could to nab 4:44:44, but as I ran down Hereford Street (~ mile 26) and onto Boylston Street, I was completely spent and didn't have any kick left, so I finally decided on trying for 04:45:45. Unfortunately I wasn't actually sure where the exact finish line was (and at which point the clock stopped) so I guess I came in 2/100th of a second too fast!

Frankly I had been envisioning this moment pretty much the entire time I had been training for this journey and my thoughts of crossing the finish line always had me in a breakdown of tears with flashbacks of everything I did to get there rushing through my mind. But that was not to be the case and as I am typing this, I really haven't quite figured out where the dramatic ending went. I suppose that the easy answer is that I was just so worn out that I just wanted to get over the finish line and put an end to my misery that I had been enduring for almost 5 hours. It also could be that the reality of what I have accomplished hasn't actually kicked in yet. Maybe someday when I am walking across a street somewhere, it will hit me and I will finally break down into a fit of tears, as onlookers stare at me and contemplate what is wrong with me. One thing I know is it is a question that I will always think about for many years to come.

So now that it is over, it is time for me to reflect on what has happened and what I have learned in the last 10 months regarding Health, Passion and Love.

Health. While the weight loss is the most tangible facet of this project, it really shouldn't be, because the bottom line is I failed myself in taking care of my body for the first ~47 years of my life. While I voluntarily made myself unhealthy with a complete disregard for healthy eating and a completely sedentary lifestyle, Julia would want nothing more than to have just that - a normal healthy life. Fortunately I have righted this wrong and I will do everything I can to maintain the "new" me for the rest of my life. It is also my hope, as I stated when I first created my www.RunningForMyExistence.com website back in June of 2008, that at least ONE person takes what I have done to heart, sees that they can change their life for the better, and follows my example.

Passion. Running a marathon is a goal a lot of people have and I now respect anyone that has ever run one, especially Boston! I am proud of this accomplishment and it will be hard to come up with a new goal that will top it...but I will find one. I have pledged to my wife, my friends and family and myself to continue to run marathons, although the thought of it right now kind of turns my stomach and causes my legs, almost on cue, almost wince in fear and remind me of the pain that they endured yesterday. Physically my body is screaming NO!!! but my mind is saying come on, it will be fun. Fortunately I have no fear that my entire body, from head to toe, will get itself together in the near future and I will regain the passion I had before. After all, I still need to get that 4 hour marathon under my belt.

Love. The leaves the only "goal" left that you really can't measure with a scale or a finish line...or can you? To celebrate my accomplishment, my wife and friends put together an After The Marathon Party to celebrate my accomplishments as well as say thanks to everyone who had helped support me on this journey. And it was here at the After Party, that I realized what I had been searching for this whole time.

It goes without saying that I was humbled by how many people showed up for my party and I cannot say thanks enough. I challenge anyone to walk into a room of ~125 of the most important people in your life applauding you and not say "life really doesn't get any better than this" to yourself over and over. At that point, I was handed a microphone to make a speech. Normally this would cause me retract into a full fetal position on the floor but probably because I was just so tired or possibly because I knew every single person standing in front of me, I really didn't have a problem broadcasting my thoughts and voice over the speakers. From what I recall, I thanked everyone for coming, tried to defend my time running the marathon and then thanked the three "women" who had helped me across the finish line: My mom Hope, who died when I was 1 year old but kept constant watch over me as I trained, my wife Mary, whose undying love and patience never ever faltered even though I gave her 10 months of stress that would have broken any other person in the world, and my niece Julia, who gave me the inspiration and desire to see this whole project through. With that, I spoke the words that everyone was waiting for - Let's eat!

And it was also during this speech that Julia's mom explained to me several hours after giving it, what I have been looking for all this time. You see, unbeknownst to me at the time, when I mentioned in my "speech" how important Julia was to me, Julia turned to her mom with tears in her eyes and said "I never realized how much Uncle Roger loved me". And that really does trump everything else in the world that has happened to me. And it was at that point that I discovered that I had found my existence.

Well, I could go on and add another three or four paragraphs but I really don't think I need to. Actually I think the picture below pretty much sums it up so I will leave it at that.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I do know what yesterday brought and today I'm a better person because of it.
Thank you for reading these blogs, have a nice day and a better life.

Roger

PS Below are some additional pictures from my "Big Day". The first two were taken by my good friend Mike Lee as I was just about to round the corner off of Hereford and onto Boylston Street for my final .25 mile. The remainder were taken by my brother, Richard Wright, right at the finish line. Thanks again for reading this blog.

Final Video

Below is the Final Video that I put together encompassing the last 10 months of my life. Rather than take up a lot of space, I will just post the video and let it speak for itself. Thanks.

Roger :)

Running For My Existence (Final Video)

April Update

Yet another "older" blog that I never got around to launching since I was swamped with work preparing for the marathon after I got the "OK To Run" from one of my doctors. First, I will get the update stuff out of the way.

Since I was not working out as much as I was used to due to my calf injury, I fully expected this to be the first month that I actually gained weight. I really wouldn't have a problem with a small increase since I was actually below the weight my doctor had suggested back in June (165). Also in my favor was the fact that I had reprogrammed my mind to eat healthier. Below are some pictures of me on April 7th.

I am going to end this post here so that I can move on to the Final Video blog that I have meaning to put since I created it. Thanks for reading.

Roger

DATE: April 7th WEIGHT: 163.6
LOSS FOR MONTH: 0.5 TOTAL LOSS: 113.1

After I took the above picture I decided to add a picture of me in my running gear and then I created a quick gif between my first picture in June 2008 and a new picture in my running outfit also taken on April 7th. It seems to do a good job of showing my transformation over the last 10 months although the morph I have on my website (www.RFME.org) is much better.

Roger Has A Bad Day Video

This is an older video that I never got around to uploading. It was recorded on March 30th.

To make a very long story short, I pulled my calf muscle while running because I was pushing myself too hard. I was training to run the Boston Marathon in under 4 hours as a friend had promised me an additional $250 to Cystic Fibrosis if I did it in under 4 hours way back in October of 2008. At that time I was shooting for a 6 hour marathon, stopping every mile for 2 minutes (Galloway Method) so I figured it was extremely unrealistic. That said, as I progressed in my training, I realized I was actually closer to a 4 hour marathon than I thought after I ran 21 miles in 3 hours 19 minutes in March 2008.

Below is the video of the day I hurt myself. I had asked a friend of mine to film me for a "Final Video" that I was putting together summing my past 10 months. At that time (when I got in my friends car) I thought I would be OK in a couple of days, but as I discovered later that day, I did some serious damage to my calf muscle and 3 days later, still was not able to run.

I was pretty depressed as I saw everything I had worked for over the last 9 months starting to fall apart and my worst fear that I might not be able to run the marathon was quickly becoming a reality. Sorry about the language but I was actually in some considerable pain and very mad at myself for pushing too hard.

Roger Has A Bad Day

If the above video doesn't work, here is a link to it on YouTube.

I posted the video on Facebook and within ~20 minutes or so, had about 10 friends tell me that I had already won "the race" and that I should focus on the positive aspects over the negative. I was really moved by it and I sincerely believe that it helped me recover from the injury. I rested for the next week and pretty much laid off of any running, although I did continue to swim and slowly got back into Spin class.

Here is the revised video after I got over feeling sorry for myself which is a little more upbeat.

Roger Has A Bad Day Updated

After several failed appointments, I ended up at a Sports Medicine doctor's office on Friday, April 10th. After a 30 minute evaluation, the doctor concluded that I could run the marathon but I really needed to slow it down or I would never make it to the finish line. He also pointed out that no one runs Boston for a personal best time, but rather just finish it. He made a good point that this was my first marathon and not my last marathon.

Since then, my calf has healed pretty well. Bring on the marathon!

Roger :)

March Update

I probably should apologize for the lack of postings but that really has gotten too old. Plus I have a couple of other Blogs I need to write up and it's 1:30 AM right now. Therefore rather than explain my reason for a lack of post in this blog, I will explain it in my next one.

Therefore I will just post the pertinent information and try to update it later. Thanks for reading this.

Roger :)

DATE: March 7th WEIGHT: 164.2
LOSS FOR MONTH: 5.4 TOTAL LOSS: 112.5

13. February Update

www.RFME.org

A couple of days ago I was completing a survey online. In exchange for answering 5 questions, I was promised a lifetime of grocery coupons delivered directly to my email. In hindsight, I probably sold out my virtual soul as I immediately started receiving emails for anything but grocery coupons. Really bugs me as I usually don't fall for those ploys but I was heading off to the store and thought I would give it a shot as it was hanging out on the right side of the web page I was viewing. Obviously I missed the shot but the website that got my email address certainly didn't. Looks like I'll be shopping for a new delete key for my keyboard sooner than I expected. lol

But I digress. The part of the story that concerns this post is the survey questions I was required to answer.

Frankly I'm not really sure how they came up with these questions but they actually appeared to be directly aimed at me like they knew something about me already. I'm not really so naive to NOT think that some people on the interweb are compiling information about every website I visit and what I purchased in the past. Call me paranoid but frankly I just don't know if I can really trust Al Gore and his creation right now,especially after the survey questions....

1) Do you have Diabetes?
Hmmm, interesting and a little confusing since all I wanted was some stupid coupons. Actually one of the reasons I started to get serious about my health and exercise was because my doctor told me that I was borderline Diabetic and if I didn't improve on my next visit, "something" was going to have to be done about it. This was right at the end of 2007 and I really did take it to heart (pun sort of intended) and decided to start exercising after the beginning of the year as well as think about cutting out some of that white powder that I had become addicted to as a little kid. Fortunately, as I am constantly being supervised by my doctor as I pursue this project, I was happy to discover about 2 months after I started my training that my blood work came back excellent and my blood sugar levels were all fine. I answered NO.

2) Do you have high cholesterol?
Come on, let's get off of the health questions and ask me something more relevant like "Do you buy ANYTHING as long as you have a coupon for it?" to which I would happily click the YES button so my inbox would overflow with coupons for everything. To me that would make a lot more sense. Again, thanks to adjusting my diet and exercise I hit the NO button as my blood tests would confirm. Also by answering NO I figured they wouldn't hold back any coupons that they thought might increase my cholesterol...

3) Do you have high blood pressure, and if so, do you take anything to control it?
What is this, Prevention Magazine? Again, 8 months ago I would have had to hit the YES button three times, once for each pill that I took to control my high blood pressure, but again that has changed as well. I really wish I could say that I have stopped taking all three pills but unfortunately I have only stopped taking 2 of the 3. That said, the last time I had my blood pressure checked it was 140 over 80 which is right on the border of normal. I could have argued "White Coat Syndrome" (higher than normal blood pressure due to the anxiety of having your blood pressure taken at a clinic/hospital/etc) but figured I would just wait until my next test and try to get it deleted from my diet legitimately. I hit YES.

4) Do you exercise?
Why, are you going to send me some coupons for some running shoes or maybe some protein bars? Hell yes I exercise, all the friggin' time! Even the people who fold the towels at my club know me and I'm sure that the people at the front desk have said on more than one occasion, "Here he comes again". I hit YES.

5) Are you overweight?
So this is where I make a mistake and I mean a legitimate mistake. You see, I have been answering this question Yes for my entire life. Just like the answer to "Who's buried in Grant's Tomb", it's an automatic without any additional thought required. I hit YES.

I was about to hit SUBMIT so the coupons would magically flow into my inbox when I stopped and looked at the question again: Are you Overweight? All of a sudden my thoughts raced back to my conversation I had with my doctor when I started this whole project. When I asked her what my ideal weight should be, she replied after consulting some reference material "Somewhere between 165-170". As of February 7th, I weighed in at 169.6 and even though math has never really been my favorite subject, even I know that 169.6 falls between 165 and 170. As strange as it sounds, it was only at that point that I truly realized that I was no longer overweight! After ~40 years of struggling with my weight, I finally made it to the "other" side. I revised it to NO and hit submit.

Even though the results of hitting Submit this time did not have the results that I was seeking, I really don't care as I obtained something much more important; A realization that if you put your mind to something and don't let excuses get in your way, you really can accomplish anything. Being overweight has been a curse for me my entire life. As I got older and older, I gained more and more weight and I just made adjustments, justifications and excuses for it so that I could continue to lead the happy life that I had. Was I happy? Absolutely. I have a great wife, a wonderful life and friends that I know will always be there. But beyond that, I am much happier with who I am now and what I have accomplished.

And while the ultimate goal I set for myself was not to lose all of this weight but to run the Boston Marathon, I realize that losing the weight was a necessary component of this goal. It gave me and other people something tangible to focus on and gauge how I was progressing. In addition, based on the incredible positive feedback from family, friends and strangers, I have shown people that ANYONE can lose weight if you just put your mind to it.

Below is the usual information I post each month regarding my weight loss. To be honest, quite a few people have been telling me for several months that I need to STOP losing weight. And while I sincerely appreciate their concern, I am also aware that as I continue to increase my training and endurance, I will more than likely continue to lose more weight as I will burn more and more calories. I have changed the way that I eat (as I have said over and over, I now eat to live versus live to eat) so my body will find a point where I maintain a normal weight which is more than likely right around here. Therefore this will more than likely be my final weight post and will now change my focus on other stories regarding my goal of running the Boston Marathon. As always, thanks for reading.

Roger :)

DATE: February 7th WEIGHT: 169.6
LOSS FOR MONTH: 5.4 TOTAL LOSS: 107.1